so we're just a few days past our 7 month mark of being here and man have i learned a lot in these short 7 months. being overseas is both wonderful and horrible at the same time. its wonderful because its a new country, new culture, new language, new base and you get to meet new people! its horrible in our case because we're so north and isolated, its a new base, and we have met new people.
i've already met a couple wonderful people that i know i'll be lifelong friends with, emily & heather! i'm so thankful for them. they're keeping me sane here and are my sounding boards too. i love that they understand me so much already and can handle the constant chatter from both lucian and i! i've also met some really great people that i'm sure we'll always have some form of contact with and that i hold dear as well. on the flip side i've also met some people that just really have shocked me with their behavior and their expectations of me. why would you expect anything from someone you barely know? and if you feel you them well you have to stop and think well do they feel the same?
i've learned to really watch people from a distance before you just run up and say hey let's be friends! you really do have to be cautious and i already knew this but i've never really just observed before forging a friendship with someone. well there have been a few women here who have taught me that lesson already. those who have gotten to know me after my first burn here have commented on how careful i'm being about things. i feel i've been explaining myself or my actions and i've never had to do that with my friends before because they've always been true friends and didn't care about those little things like that.
i am happy to report that my quick and accurate judge of character is still intact but i've had to use it here more than i ever had to in ohio. yes i only had 3 close friends but they were just that close friends that knew me inside out and i didn't have to explain my personality or other things about myself or my family to them. they loved and still do love me for who i am inside. i just really have been surprised by the gall some people have. i don't like the feeling of being unsure around people once you've started to get to know them better. people are so quick to judge or to show their true colors. which for me is a good thing because that means that i don't have to waste anymore time on them.
i've also been around younger people here too. emily is one of those younger people yet she and her husband act beyond their years! i've always acted beyond my years. not to say i haven't had my immature moements or phases but in general i've always flocked to people a little bit older than me. some people here just need to grow up already. everyone has something in their past that they could hold onto forever but why would you?
there are plenty of people, myself included, that didn't have the fairytale childhood. mine wasn't as rough as some that i've heard since being here but it still was a rough one. i let go of mine some time ago. i learned what i needed to from it and then moved on. i'm not bitter about it anymore and i don't use it as an excuse, crutch, or as a weapon. let go and move on. never openly trust anyone no matter what your childhood or past has in it.
it really is like starting all over here and i need to feel people out and let them know who i am as well. those who have gotten to know me a little or more as in the case of heather and emily, know that i don't take crap from anyone. i voice my opinion and if i don't like you or the way you're behaving i'll let you know. i usually do it in a nice way the first time but after that i stop using the nice and just flat out tell you like it is.
i had a dispute with a "friend" today and it just really got to me and i can't believe the way this person has acted towards me. this person was being completely inconsiderate of the fact that i have a child. they asked me to do something with them that would take all day and i'd only have 4 hrs with lucian in that day and that'd be in the evening. that isn't fair. i chose to stay home so i could see lucian all day long and be with him every day. then the person tried to make me feel guilty about saying no to being away from lucian all day. i've dealt with a few people in my life that are pros at the martyr act and throwing guilt trips and guess what, that crap doesn't work on me. find someone else to feel sorry for you i don't do that.
i've had a rough week to say the least and i'm just ready for it to be over with. ready for jayson to leave texas so that we can talk every day and he'll also be one step closer to coming home! i'm looking forward to two years with him uninterrupted by a deployment. i don't mind if he goes to the NCO academy or to investigations school but no deployment for two years would be wonderful!
that is another thing i feel i need to add right quick. this isn't my first rodeo (deployment) so don't come crying to me with all your boo hoos. that may sound mean and all but i'm going through a deployment too and the fourth one at that so i'm past all the boo hoos of having your husband deployed. if you really want to compare here it is:
1st deployment- a month after jayson and i got married and i was active duty still and all i did was sleep and work. i was so depressed because it was the first deployment. it is how every first deployment is.
2nd- lucian was 6 months old. went to my mom's she helped but from a distance because she knows i hate overbearing people, which she never has been thankfully. lucian choked on some bolts he found on a window sill and i had to dig them out of his throat and a little dribble of blood came out of his nose. terrified the breath out of me. also jayson missed all of lucian's firsts during this deployment.
3rd- lucian was 2.5 yrs old. nothing bad happened during this deployment, thankfully! made a lifelong friend in katie during this one.
4th- lucian is just a month shy of being 4 yrs old. jayson was only home for 9 months and we pcs'd during those 9 months.
don't comapre your FIRST deployment to my 4th and those in the past. and don't compare your first or any others with anyone else becasue there is no comparison. it hurts the same for us all no matter if its the first or 15th deployment. its part of being married to military.
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